For the Love Of A Brother
by VooDoo Doll13
Summary: Sam finds that old wounds die hard and that sometimes, his big brother needs help finding his way back from the darkness inside his own turbulent and troubled mind. Warning: Slash/Wincest.


**Warning!**: This piece contains Slash/Wincest.

If you do not wish to read that type of story, best to move on now…flaming will not be tolerated as you have been forewarned!

Flaming comments will be mocked for their stupidity and will only serve to make you look like an idiot…..so please, save yourself the humiliation….

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the boys, but I'm open to purchasing them for an extending period of time…

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**For the Love Of A Brother**

As they stood in the bathroom together, doing their nightly hygiene rituals, Dean's focus drifted to Sam. No matter what else he was doing, his mind often wandered to Sam, his Sammy. Today his mind and sharp eyes made the journey together. He took in his brother's features, admiring them once again as he had a thousand times before. He thought about their parents and grand parents and he decided he knew why, even before he and Sam had gotten together…even before they had become a couple, people had often thought them gay. For one, they didn't behave like traditional, run-of-the-mill brothers, they were far too close for that. Dean was far more to Sam then just a brother. He had been the kid's caregiver, brother, protector, best friend, father…so the moniker, "brother" really just wasn't enough to describe their relationship growing up and there was no real way to make people understand without revealing too much about their lives, so, he had endured it, bitching and grumbling along the way but he hadn't really minded. Not really, because he knew he had something they didn't in their "normal" life: someone who he truly cared enough for to die for and kill for.

The second reason he had come to realize was they didn't really look like each other. They resembled their parents, but not each other. He couldn't help but think back to his little time travel trip with Castiel. Sam was very much so his father's son. Dean could see young John Winchester and even the older John Winchester in his brother's features. The solid jaw, the barrel chest, the dark, thick tousle of dark hair, the golden brown eyes…His brother most definitely took after his father in a lot of little ways, including his temper, however, Dean could also see his mother in his little brother, too. His soft nature and big heart…the innocence that he radiated from deep within his soul long after it should have died and disappeared from all the horror his little family had known in their lives. Somehow, through it all, his brother was still pure at heart, despite his mistakes and missteps. Dean could see his mother's fine bone structure in his little brother's face, too. It took his father's ruggedly good looks and refined them even more, making him handsome enough to rival those cat-walking supermodels. His Sammy was breathtakingly beautiful to him.

Dean pondered on himself. He knew now how much he took after his mother and, indeed, his mother's mother. He was slighter in frame, like her. He was shorter, though it seemed as though Sammy had drawn the lucky straw again and inherited their Grandpa Campbell's height. Dean could see her more delicate bone-structure in his own features. He could see the jade green/hazel shifting eyes he knew her to have, the tawny mop of hair she had had, though hers had always been sun-kissed with blonde from being out in the light so often. Though he always kept his hair short, he knew if he let it grow, there would be a hint of the wave that she had naturally possessed. He knew how much she'd worn her heart on her sleeve and really, deep down, he knew he was more like her in that way, too, but growing up as he had, basically becoming a parent to a squirming, screaming baby and to a destroyed, lost father at the ripe old age of 4, well, he'd learned real quick how to hide that part of himself away.

It was funny sometimes, how life forced you to look at things in a way you could never have expected. He had always loved his brother deeply, far more then was entirely healthy and far more then he ever could or would admit. Even before he had discovered he loved his brother in a definitely unbrotherly capacity, he had loved him with all his heart, placing all that was good in himself inside his little brother for safe-keeping. Dean smiled a small, almost melancholy half smile as he meandered through his mind. He sighed long and low, not even realizing he was still staring intently at his little brother.

Sam felt his brother's eyes on him, but ignored them for the moment. After a while, when he still felt Dean's gaze on him he turned to look at his big brother, his brow raised slightly and his head cocked to the side in puzzlement. He spit the toothpaste foam out and sipped water from his glass idly as he watched his oblivious brother back. When he was done rinsing, he set the cup down and studied his brother a little longer, wondering what his brother was thinking about that had him looking so far off in his own little world and slightly sad. He knew his brother was no longer seeing him, not really. Sam made a small hrmpfing sigh and moved in closer to his big brother, sliding his large hands around his brother's waist.

"Hey, Dean…you in there somewhere, big brother?" Sam said quietly as he squeezed Dean almost imperceptively tighter in his embrace.

Dean was startled from his reverie by his brother's low, rich voice. He smiled, slightly embarrassed, knowing he had been caught staring at his brother like an idiot. He squeezed Sammy, crushing him closer, taking his fill of the musky yet slightly sweet scent of his little brother. The smell alone was enough to calm him, a scent so powerfully _**Sam**_ that it was a balm to his soul. He nuzzled in close to Sam's neck and strapping chest, sighing softly in the comfort and love he could feel with each thump-thud of Sam's heart. One of Sam's hands left from encircling his waist and slid smoothly and comfortingly up his back to rest on the nape of his neck. He placed a small kiss on the crook of his brother's neck before he whispered his answer to his little brother's question.

"Yeah Sammy, I'm here. Just thinking is all…" he said, his words slightly muffled due to his mouth's proximity to his brother's chest.

Sam placed his grinning lips to Dean's temple, placing a gentle kiss there before turning his dimpled cheek to rest there. He stroked the downy soft, slightly curled hair at the nape of his brother's neck, loving the feel of it on his fingertips.

"You looked lost, big brother, thought I might have to come in there after ya…What were you thinking about, anyways?" Sam said softly.

"Nothing too important, Sammy. I was just thinkin' about all those times, even before we got together, when people had thought we were gay…and then I got to thinking about why they would think that and I think I figured it out, that's all." Dean said as he pulled back to look upon his brother's face and run his slender fingers back through his brother's unruly and untamable mop of hair.

"Aww, and what did you decide, big brother?" Sam said, just a hint of teasing in his voice.

"I heard that tone, Sammy…" Dean said, his sad half smile slipping more toward his usual trademark smirk.

"What tone? There was no tone…" Sam said, a slightly mischievous glint in his eyes.

Dean narrowed his eyes, raising his brow slightly, noting the look in his brother's eyes. "Maybe I decided that they always thought we were gay because you were always too much of a pretty boy, Samantha…"

Sam's eyes turned into a glare, his lips turning in a pout. He pulled his arms from around his brother and turned away. "Not a pretty boy, jerk…" he mumbled as he stalked out of the bathroom.

Dean sighed, still smiling slightly, though more out exasperation then anything else. He knew Sam was a little sensitive about how much he took care of himself and how it might seem prissy or a bit gay and he hated to be teased about it. Still, Dean was his big brother, so he still had every right to rib his little brother…he just knew his little brother was upset and the lover in him hated seeing his Sammy like that. He strode out to the room after his Sasquatch brother, knowing he needed to make him feel better after hurting his feelings. He strode up behind Sam, his arms firmly latching around his little brother's waist. Sam tried half-heartedly to peel him off, but settled into the hold soon enough.

"Dean, you know I hate when you tease about that…" he said softly, his head drooping forward.

Dean sighed, shifting himself around to stand in front of his brother, slipping his hands tightly around his brother's narrow waist once again. He reached up and cupped his little brother's cheek, stroking over his cheek bone for a moment before sliding his hand around behind his brother's neck and drawing him down for a kiss. His little brother sighed and relaxed into the kiss. When Dean drew away, Sam's eyes remained closed for a few moments. When he opened them, Dean latched onto them with his own eyes.

"I'm sorry Sammy. I know you hate that. I just couldn't help but tease you, just a little. I am still your big brother after all. I'm sorry, dude. Forgive me?" he said quietly.

Sam sighed again. "Yeah…I forgive you. Now you gonna tell me what you meant before?" Sam said.

"Like I said, nothing too important, Sammy. I was just thinking how you took after dad in a lot of ways and I took after mom. I see a little of mom in you though. You got the best of both worlds, really. Handsome looks mostly from dad, except the cheek bones, those are mom's. You got mom's heart, too. She was always strong and more open and her emotions were always so visible in her face, especially her eyes. I got mom's side of the family, slightly smaller frame, shorter, same hair, eyes, smile…oh, did I ever tell you…no…I don't think I did… I think you got the height from Grandpa Campbell…I thought I read or heard once that sometimes traits skip generations… anyways, gramps was as tall as you, maybe an inch taller…and he had big, long-fingered hands like you do, too. I was just thinking we look like our family but not much like each other, that's all." Dean said quietly.

"I remember the pictures of mom, well, the few we have…yeah…I can see her in you. I guess I never really thought about it but, makes sense that I take after dad. Although, the Winchester stubbornness was definitely inherited by both of us…he really was a stubborn bastard…he should have known any sons he had would be, too…"Sam said with a small smile.

Dean smirked. "Yeah Sammy, he probably shoulda guessed we'd be a handful, considering who our father was." Dean said.

Sam looked pained for a moment, his eyes shifting away from his big brother's.

"What, Sammy? What is it?" Dean said, frowning.

"It's nothing, Dean…" Sam said quietly, trying to disengage himself from Dean's arms.

Dean held on tighter. "Sammy, come on man, what is it?"

Sam sighed, he really didn't want to get into this again. Things hadn't gone so well the last time he'd brought it up…

"It's just that…well…you were never really much of a handful. You always did what he said without question…while I…well, I didn't. I know we always put you in the middle of our fights. I can't even imagine how much that must have hurt you. I never even thought of it until long after we started hunting together again, that's how selfish I was. I'm sorry Dean. I'm sorry I always took you for granted. I didn't even realize how much you did for me without ever questioning it or complaining or anything until I didn't have it anymore…"Sam swallowed hard, refusing to look at his brother. He felt Dean's arms slip away and he made himself look up for his brother. He could see the pain in his brother's eyes and the hurt. He took a deep breath and steeled himself for the backlash he was sure would be coming, remembering their last fight about the subject, when he'd walked away from his brother, again…left him behind…_**again**_. Even after that, his brother had been willing to let him go, even though it meant his own misery, even if it was, in effect, the death of any real happiness, he'd called to say goodbye to his little brother and wish him luck. Sam had had a small inkling, then, of just what kind of man his brother truly was. He knew he had to get back to him, seeing then a side of his brother he had never even considered before. His brother had taken him back in, despite how much pain he'd put him through yet again. Seeing that look in his brother's eyes that night...then again when he was at the asylum, and then again when they'd been under the Siren's spell…again and again, Sam hurt his big brother. He hurt the one he loved over and over and over again. His brother always took him back, but he wondered now, if one of these times, Dean won't be able to push back the hurt anymore…

Sam felt his eyes water, tears threatening to leap their shackling cage of lashes. He swallowed hard again, making himself move forward to try and comfort his brother.

Dean had sunk bonelessly onto the edge of the bed, eyes dropping to the floor to avoid his little brother's. He fidgeted slightly, scraping at the dirt under his nails. Sam sank down in front of him, easing his brother's legs apart and slipping between them. He was nearly face to face with his brother now. He slipped his crooked finger under Dean's chin and raised his brother's face to look at him. Dean looked unbearably sad and his eyes glimmered with unshed tears.

"Dean, I'm sorry, man. Last thing I wanted to do was tear open old wounds…"Sam whispered softly.

Dean turned his head out of his brother's grasp, hunching his shoulders slightly. "Can't tear open what never closed, Sammy…" he whispered so softly that Sam almost didn't hear it. Sam felt a tear slip warmly down his cheek. He hated himself for making his brother feel so messed up about something he really never had much control over. The way their father had treated his brother growing up, though he suspected he knew why now, their earlier conversation drifting into his mind…"…I took after mom…" his brother had said. Maybe their father had kept Dean always at arms-length because he reminded him so much of their mother. While it might explain it, it didn't excuse it. Dean was his son, he should have been raised as such. Sam thought that maybe because he himself had always fought their father, that their father had seen himself in Sam and had admired his boy a little for standing up and being strong. Dean had always just taken whatever punishment he dealt, ever trying to be the perfect son, the perfect soldier, doing everything in his power to make his dad see him again…to make him love him again.

Sam reached his large hands up, engulfing Dean's face in their grasp. He turned his brother's face to his own, leaning in close to crush his lips tightly to Dean's. He kissed him fiercely, imparting all the love he could into each touch, all the while whispering into his big brother's mouth.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…Dean…I'm so sorry. Please, don't turn away. You deserve to, after all the shit I've done to you in the past, but please…don't turn away from me. I love you." Sam said in a desperate whisper. Dean wasn't really responding much to his kisses. Sam moved to kiss his eyelids, his cheeks, the shell of his outer ear, all the while keeping up his litany of love and regret. He felt hot tears winding slowly down Dean's cheek, being smeared into his own cheek as he tried desperately to reach his big brother. He slipped one arm around his brother's body, rubbing soothing circles on his back, just like Dean had always done for him. He kissed his way back to Dean's mouth, cupping his cheek with his other hand, pressing kisses and words into his brother's mouth.

Dean couldn't even really explain what had him so messed up. Earlier, when he was thinking about their family and who the bits and pieces of themselves had come from, he'd been slipping into thoughts of their own family, their own past. Sam had pulled him out just in time, but the pain had already started to stir. When Sam had reminded him about how much of a mindless robot he had been, blindly doing everything their father ever told him in the barest hope that his father would recognize his hard work and dedication and would love him…would be proud of him…that he would think of him as more than just a soldier. That he would be more to John Winchester then just another tool to use…He'd always been jealous of the love their father showed Sam, even when they were fighting, ripping into each other mercilessly, he could see the love his father had for Sam. When Sam reminded him, the flood gates that had been cracked open burst wide and he lost control of himself in the mêlée. He could hear Sam murmuring to him now, but he couldn't make out the words. He felt Sam's presence, his lips on his, but he couldn't make himself respond. He just wanted to slam the door shut and hide inside, just like he'd always done.

Dean wasn't there, not really. Sam knew he was buried somewhere inside, hurting and suffering and not knowing how to come back. Ever since his brother had gone to Hell for him and come back, he'd been a whole different animal…No, Sam decided. That wasn't right…Dean was just much less able to bottle things up and hide behind the walls he'd built over a life time. Those walls were cracked and crumbling, not able to withstand all the hurt that Dean had once been able to take in stride, though Sam knew he'd never really been able to do that anyway, he was just able to hide it better then. Hell had left Dean vulnerable, something that the great Dean Winchester had never let himself be, not even in front of Sam, whom he loved more then anything in the world. More so even then his own life. Maybe it was especially because of that that he tried so hard to keep up a brave face, because he couldn't bear the thought of putting any pain on his little brother, not even his own.

Sam stood now, slipping out of his slightly dingy white t-shirt and his boxers and pants. He slipped behind Dean on the bed, lifting Dean's shirt off, pulling him gently backwards on the bed before slipping out from behind him and peeling his brother's boxers off as well. He slid up next to Dean, making sure Dean could feel his warmth as he turned his big brother into his chest. He gripped him tight, kissing him, rubbing his hands up and down Dean's body. He stroked over Dean's lower back, his slow, massaging strokes moving lower until he could firmly grip his taut buttocks. Sam pulled Dean to him, the friction between them causing him to gasp as his cock stirred to life. He kept up his kisses and soft words, brushing his lips over his brother's slowly leaking eyes, licking the tears as they made salty tracks down the planes of his face. He pulled Dean in for another long, slow grind, feeling his brother stir in his embrace slightly and moan softly. Sam ground in again, pulling his brother firmly in along with him. Dean moaned again. Sam captured his moaning lips, breaking the deep, loving kiss only to keep up the whispered words of love and comfort. Dean finally began accepting his kisses, responding a little more with each thrust of their hips, each demanding kiss Sam laid upon his lips. Finally, Dean's arms slid slowly to encircle his back and his waist. Sam kissed slowly along his big brother's jaw, his lips ghosting over the tender flesh, causing his brother to shudder in his arms slightly. He kissed and nipped down the corded muscular neck to the hollow of Dean's throat, lingering there to feel the pulse thrumming strongly beneath the skin. He nipped and licked over the spot, suckling at the tender flesh until a bruise started to form before moving along. Sam made his way tenderly to his brother's ear, licking the outer shell, dipping briefly inside. Dean gasped under his ministrations. Dean was all soft moans and panted breaths now, as they thrust and ground against each other. Sam captured Dean's earlobe, sucking and nibbling on it. He hummed over its surface, making Dean shudder hard. He felt Dean's nails dig into his back as whispered words and noises spilled from his lips.

"Sammy…unghhhh…Sammy…mmmmm…feels so good…"Dean moaned out.

Dean's body responded to the pleasure Sam was giving him, but it still took him a little while to find his way to the surface again. When he finally did, Sam was hitting all his spots that drove him crazy. He dug into Sam's back with his nails, letting Sam know he was back, that he was heading toward being ok now. He moaned, his moans forming words and noises, as Sam wrung his pleasure out of him. All of it though, wasn't enough. He wanted Sam inside him. He wanted Sam as close to him as possible.

"Sammy…please…I need you…please…" he whispered brokenly.

Sam pulled back for a moment, gazing questioningly in his big brother's eyes. He nodded to Dean, seeing the raw need in his eyes. Usually, Dean was on top, but sometimes, he needed Sam close to him, in him, as close to being a part of him as he could get. Sam was always willing to oblige. Sam leaned in and kissed his brother deeply.

"I got you, big brother, I got you…" he whispered as he pulled away and sought out the lube from the nightstand drawer. He rolled Dean onto his back, lifting his muscular legs over the crook of his arms. He opened the small, slick tube and squeezed a healthy dollop onto his fingers. He smeared it over three fingers and reached forward to his brother's entrance. He massaged over the furled muscle, teasing it into relaxing a little before slipping his finger slowly inside. He circled his digit, teasing the muscle open, easing the way in. He slipped in to the second knuckle, crooking his finger and seeking out the small, highly sensitive bundle of nerves there. He knew he'd found it when Dean sucked in a gasp of air, mouth falling open and eyes slipping closed. Sam stroked it for a few moments before slipping out and sliding slowly back in with 2 fingers. He twirled and scissored them open, slipping them further in to stroke the gland then pulling back out to ease the smooth tunnel wider. He pressed forward one last time, stroking incessantly over the tender tissue.

Sam leaned down and kissed away and swallowed the moans and gasps his brother made in between whispers of his name. Sam eased back out, slipping all three fingers in. His brother winced at the sensation but soon the tinge of pain faded into pleasure. Sam scissored and swirled, spreading Dean's body wide, knowing his brother would be in pain if he didn't. He stroked the prostate again in between each pump of the fingers into his brother's body. Dean was panting now, trying to form words, but it was difficult, apparently.

"Saaammmmyyy…ugnnghhhh…I'm ready Sam…Plleeeaasse!!!!!" Dean all but shrieked as Sam's nail brushed over the nerve bundle again, his body jerking at the intense sensation.

Sam eased his fingers out, letting his brother have a moment to calm down. "I've got you Dean…hold on…" he whispered. He popped open the lube once again, spreading a liberal amount over his cock, stroking the semi-hard shaft to full hardness. He lined up his manhood with his brother's entrance. Sam petted his brother's hip as he pressed forward. He slowly slid in, stopping along the way to pull back and stroke carefully back in. Dean's eyes clenched shut, the discomfort and pain not yet over come with pleasure, but he knew that Sam would make him feel nothing but the pleasure soon enough. Sam stroked in and pulled back to stroke in a little further each time until he was finally fully seated inside his brother. He leant forward, kissing Dean softly, kissing the tension from his face. He got a good grip on his brother's hip and the crook of his other leg, under the knee. Dean's hands found his forearms and after a little rest, he opened his eyes to look into Sam's.

"I'm ready Sammy…please…"he whispered.

Sam nodded, leaning into kiss his big brother as he pulled back and thrust in. Dean hissed in pain, but he reached to grip at his little brother's hips, pulling him closer. Sam stroked out and in again, slowly, easing into a rhythm, taking care to stroke over the nerve bundle on as many thrusts as he could. Dean's features smoothed out and he began matching Sam thrust for thrust. He leant up, gripping Sam around his waist and pulling him down on top of him. Sam shifted his hand from Dean's knee to bedside his brother's head on the bed. Dean engulfed him with his legs and arms, locking tightly around him, reminding Sam briefly of an octopus. Sam smiled slightly into their kisses at the thought. He let his other hand ease between their belly's, ghosting over his brother's leaking erection, feeling the precome slicking up both of their stomachs. He wrapped his fingers around the hard flesh, stroking in time to his thrusts.

"Sammy…oh God, little brother…so good…faster…please go faster…" Dean panted in between kisses. He roughly stroked his tongue into Sam's mouth, taking over the kiss, slicking the sleek muscle over his baby brother's teeth and palate before sliding it over his brother's tongue. Their tongues battled for dominance as Sam's pace increased. Their bodies met with a wet, slapping sound, and still he thrust back harder, his release boiling hot and fierce, his need coiling in his lower belly. He locked his legs harder, pulling Sam to him harder as he thrust up harder.

"Harder…harder Sammy…I'm gonna…I'm gonna come, little brother!!!" He cried out, his release racing in his blood. He was standing on the edge of it, so close to falling over.

Sam could feel the quake in his brother's body, he could feel the death grip Dean had around him. He pumped as hard as he could, pushing to giving his brother the release he badly needed. He drew away from their kisses, working his way to his brother's ear. He sucked the lobe in, biting down, teasing it with his tongue. He heard his brother gasp, felt him go rigid.

"Nguuhhhhh…SAMMY!!!!" Dean screamed out as he came violently over his brother's hand and their belly's. He was rigid, his body spasming occasionally as he rode out the harsh wave of his orgasm. Sam kept thrusting through his brother's release. Dean whimpered every time he nicked the bundle of nerves, his body shivering at the over-stimulation. Sam was close, he pumped hard, his face furled in concentration as he sought to reach his goal. Dean stoked his hands over his baby brother's body, helping him coax the release to the forefront.

Dean leaned up to whisper into Sam's ear. "Come on Sammy…come for me, little brother…wanna feel you come inside me, marking me as yours. Come on baby brother, give it to me. I love you Sammy. Love you so much…let go Sammy…just let go…"

Sam heard the words and he couldn't help but do as his brother asked. "Dean…oh…oh God…oh fuck…I'm gonna…OH Dean!!!" he cried out.

Sam stroked through his release, allowing his brother's body to milk the last of his come from him before sliding his flagging cock from inside his brother. Dean winced at his withdrawal, his body still too sensitive. Sam crawled up next to his brother on the bed gathering him to his chest, holding him tightly, whispering to him again.

"I'm so sorry Dean. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry. I love you. I love you, big brother. I love you, Dean." Sam murmured.

Dean cupped Sam's cheek, the pad of his thumb grazing lightly over the ridge of his cheekbone. He silenced his brother with a slow, lingering kiss. When he pulled back, he brushed his thumb over Sam's slick, passion-engorged pout. He gazed deep into his brother's widely blown eyes as his brother gazed back at him.

"Shhhhh…Sammy. It's ok. I'm sorry I scared you. I don't know what happened. I'm such a mess anymore…I don't know why you'd even want me…I never gave up on you, though…I love you even with everything that's happened…Please, don't give up on me…I know that if I don't have you, I can't do this. I can't be here. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I don't even know what really set me off…I just lost it and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Sammy…"Dean said softly, his eyes glimmering again.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for Dean. I'm the one who has hurt you over and over again. I'm the one who should be apologizing, not you. I'm never gonna give up on you. Even if you want to give up on yourself, I'm never gonna let you go. I promise Dean, I'm not going anywhere. I love you." Sam said.

Before Dean could counter his words with more of his own, Sam kissed them away, kissing the apologies and regrets from his brother's mouth, holding him tight and stroking his hands gently over his brother's back and arms. Dean settled into the embrace, making no move to speak again. Eventually, Sam surrendered his brother's mouth back to his brother. He let Dean tuck his head to his chest and heard his breathing settle into a slow, steady rhythm. Sam reached down and pulled the covers up over them, tucking his brother to his body even further as he settled himself into the bed. He kissed the crown of Dean's head lightly before tucking his chin over it. Sam sighed, knowing they both had a long road to ahead of them and knowing how fragile his brother's grasp on himself was right now. Sam knew he needed to be vigilant of hurting his big brother, now more then ever. Sam let himself drift away, thinking of how he could help his brother find himself again and hoping against hope that he would always be there if his brother should fall.

TBC….maybe…

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**A/N:** So ok, this just kinda hit me today…I don't even know where I'll really head with it or if I'll continue with it at all, but I'm gonna put it as In Progress, just in case. Let me know!! Please **Read and Review!!!!**

Also, please take a peak at my **Profile** to see the links to my Supernatural line of jewelry!!!

Thanks everybody!!!


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